Perfectionism
by DiscordantHarmony426
Summary: Lincoln begins to doubt his intelligence after losing a trivia game.
1. Game Night

It's game night once again in the Loud house. This time, the game is a round robin tournament, where the goal is to answer as many general knowledge trivia questions before 10 minutes are up.

The question cards are shuffled and Lynn Sr, being a mediator (so that none of the children stack the deck in their favor) pulls out the first card.

"How many…"

"111.15494 attoseconds." Lisa blurts out

"Correct."

"What is longer, 1 yottasecond or 100 trillion years?"

"1 yottasecond." Lola guesses

"Correct.

"What is the name of the nuclear power plant that eradicated Pripyat, Ukraine?"

"The V.I. Lenin Nuclear Power Station." Luna declares

"Correct."

"What is the smallest thing known to mankind?"

"Quarks." Lisa states

"Correct."

"What is a baculum?"

"It is a bone in the penises of some animals." Lana defines, while the rest of the siblings just stare at her awkwardly

"Correct."

"How much force is needed to break the femur?"

"2500 newtons."

"Correct."

"What is the name of the tailbone?"

"Coccyx."

"Correct."

"The Superior Frontal Gyrus is located in what region of the brain?"

"Prefrontal Cortex." Both Lisa and Lana shout

"Lana answered first, so she gets the point."

"Yes!"

"What is the correct temperature to serve Earl Grey tea?"

"298° Fahrenheit." Lola answers

"Correct."

"What is Lola's dress made out off?"

"Chiffon." Leni avers

"Correct?"

"Who invented pineapple pizza?"

"Greek-Canadian Sam Panopoulous."

"Nice try, Lori; I saw you look at your phone for the answer. No point for you."

"Dang it."

"Which video game franchise does Spunk E. Pigeon's Pizza Palooza Paradise remind you of?"

"Five Night's At Freddy's." Luan comments

"Correct."

"What is the name of the demon goat?"

"Baphomet." Lucy avows confidently

"Who wrote the satanic bible?"

"Anton LaVey."

"Correct."

"What is a cicatrix?"

"A scar that will never heal."

"A scar that already healed." Lisa interjects

"Lisa's right. The point goes to her."

"What is the name of the Devil's level in the 1930's video game, Cuphead?"

"Trick question, Cuphead was released in 2017." Lucy counters

"Correct."

"What is the name of Batman's arch nemesis?"

"Oh, that's so easy!" Lincoln declares "It's…"

"The Joker." Luan states, stealing the point away from him

"Correct."

"What is the technical term for the end of old arcade games?"

"Integer overflow." Lori scoffs "Everyone knows that."

"Correct."

"Who designed the panels for the Superman comic book series?"

"Jack Kirby."

"Seriously? It's Joe Shuster. Kirby worked for Marvel."

"Lynn is…right? On a comic book question? Ok, she got that one."

"Ha, in your face, Lincoln!"

"What are the rules to Calvinball?"

"Trick question, there are none." Lynn counters

"Correct."

"What is the name of the humiliating losses suffered by Brazil during the 1950 and 2014 World Cups?"

"Maracanazo and Mineirazo." Lynn answers

"Correct."

"What was the score during the infamous 2014 match?"

"7-1; With Germany being the 7." Lola declares

"Correct."

"How many scandals have the New England Patriots been embroiled in?"

"2. Deflategate and Spygate." Lynn states

"Correct."

"What is an albatross in golf?"

"3 under par." Lori utters

"Correct."

"What is the oldest trick in the book?"

"Joy buzzer." Luan announces

"Correct."

"What is the difference between dark humor/black humor and gallows humor?"

"Dark humor is directed toward anyone, whereas gallows humor is directed toward yourself." Lana decries

"Correct."

"What is an innuendo?"

"Wordplay that is often sexual in nature." Luan avers

"Correct."

"What is a knock-knock joke?"

"The lowest echelon of comedy?" Luan replies sarcastically

"Humorous banter between two individuals?" Lisa guesses

"Correct. Point goes to Lisa."

"What is the circle of fifths?"

"A way to find a key signature in a piece of music." Luna answers

"Correct."

"How many Beatles songs are there in existence?"

"307."

"Correct."

"Who's the most famous scat singer of all time?"

"Cab Calloway."

"Correct."

What note is used for the Ionian scale?

"C."

"Correct."

"What is the name of the flower that normally goes on dresses?"

"Carnation." Lola blurts out

"Correct."

"What is a haberdashery?"

"A men's clothing store." Leni declares

"Correct."

"Charles Frederick Worth was the first to sew a label. What else did he do?"

"Made a shorter hemline for skirts and replaced the crinoline with the "princess line""

"Correct."

"The Triangle Shirtwaist Factory fire was started by what?"

"A lit match in a trashcan full of flammable fabric." Lori states

"Correct."

"What is the capital of Chile?"

"Santiago." Lisa declares

"Correct."

"What phone is known for exploding?"

"The Galaxy Note 7." Lori announces

"Correct."

"Taco is thought to mean what in English?"

"Plug or wad." Lana deduces

"Correct."

What is the maximum amount of stokes you can take in golf?"

"10 over par." Lori answers.

"Correct."

"Ok, after tallying the results the winner of this 10-way round robin trivia tournament is…

…

…

…

"Lana! With 6 points!"

"Woohoo! I won!" Lana shouted boisterously

"In a 3-way tie for 2nd place, it's Lisa, Luna and Lori, with 5 points each!"

"I knew I should have answered those questions faster."

"2nd place? Radical."

"Fine, even though 2nd is just the 1st loser…"

"In a 3-way tie for 3rd, it's Lola, Lynn and Luan, with 4 points each!"

"THIRD PLACE?! I DEMAND A RECOUNT!"

"Are you kidding? Third place?!"

"How four-tunate that I tied for third."

"In a 2-way tie for 4th, it's Lucy and Leni, with 3 points each."

"4th place? Sigh…maybe next game…"

"Well, that was fun!"

"And in the unranked, is Lincoln, who lags behind at 5th place with 0 points."

"…"

"Well, that's a successful game night. See you later, kids."

"Later, dad!" The siblings all chimed as Lynn Sr leaves the dining room

"Don't worry, Linc. You'll get it next time."

The sisters disperse, leaving Lincoln as the only one left. He slowly climbs up to the second floor and heads toward his room. As he enters and lays down on his bed, all he can think of was how pathetic that was. It's not because he lost, he can handle that, it's the fact that despite his best efforts, he didn't even get A SINGLE POINT…it's just like "Who's Line Is It Anyway?". The points don't matter and neither did Lincoln's participation. If Lily was allowed to participate, even she would get at least 1 point. But him, not a one…at least his sisters were able to show some of their knowledge off. He never got a chance. Is he still smart? Lincoln tries to bury that thought as he goes to sleep.


	2. Negative Reinforcement

Lincoln's consciousness is dropped off in an unfamiliar region of his brain. Thankfully, there is a conveniently placed sign that tells him where he is.

"Prefrontal Cortex." The dream Lincoln reads off

He starts to walk toward the prefrontal cortex's fixtures. Proceeding forward, he sees a building off into the distance. He heads toward it. Eventually, he sees the building, which looks like a university. He notices a policeman and asks where he is and what this place is.

"This is Broad Man University, and we are in Lincoln Loud's Superior Frontal Gyrus. I'm Adolph. Though I look like a policeman, I'm actually just a neuron used to personify Lincoln's abstract concept of thought."

"Do you have 3 kids?"

"Yes. Hey, how did you know that?"

"I didn't. I got that from a SpongeBob episode."

"So, how does this place work?"

"It is an education building that houses all grades, from first grade all the way to college seniors. It's the only educational building in the entire brain, so everybody knows everybody here."

"Isn't it dangerous to have an intermingled student body?"

"That's why there are police inside the building, so that no funny business can happen."

A man comes out and speaks to Adolph, he looks like a renaissance man.

"Why aren't you at the 2nd floor, Adolph? You're supposed to be monitoring the middle schoolers."

"Right away, headmaster Corbin."

Adolph leaves. Headmaster Corbin then notices dream Lincoln.

"You. Are you a student?"

"No?"

"Then get off the campus grounds. I don't have time to deal with delinquents like you."

Dream Lincoln leaves.

"Warum muss ich mit all den Idioten umgehen?" Headmaster Corbin says under bated breath

A person that looks like Lisa leaves the university and goes over to talk with the headmaster.

"What's wrong?"

"Ah, my paragonal professor, what are you doing out here?"

"I'm on break. So, what happened?"

"Just a delinquent loitering around campus…I chased him off."

"…"

"You know, Clara, I used to be a POW of the Austro-Hungarian empire during the great war. They released me because I had a pneumonia infection and figured I would die soon anyway. They still tried to keep me a prisoner, saying that my brain was too important to science for them to just kill me."

Clara just looks at him.

"Huh…you know, headmaster, I worry about that boy."

"Why? He's just a random neuron floating around Lincoln's brain. It will generate more neurons. What makes him so special?"

"I don't know. But I have a feeling that something is about to go wrong…"

The next day…

* * *

Lincoln wakes up and gets ready to just lackadaisically lounge around and read comics in his undies until he receives word that his grades at school are on a gradual decline! If this continues, he'll flunk 5th grade! And no, this time is different because he wasn't ogling Ms. DiMartino like the rest of the 5th grade male student body. He needs to do something drastic...

He notices the trophy case. A standing reminder of how inferior he is compared to his sisters. He takes out the "Most Improved Brother" trophy and snaps it in twain! Shallow praise…everyone knows that that was a pity trophy. He heads outside and sees Lynn practicing one of her many sports.

"Hey Lynn, I have a proposition to make with you…"

"Are you sure, Lincoln?"

He nods.

A few days later and Lincoln's grades have improved. But there seems to be an unwarranted side effect, which Lisa takes notice of.

"Elder brother, I see that you're suffering from several hematomas. Being of average intelligence, you didn't rupture your own blood vessels; Therefore, I can conclude that someone is picking on you."

"Not this time."

"?"

"I assure you, I'm fine. Besides, my grades have never been better."

"Oh, forget about those! You're lucky that you haven't suffered an aneurism yet!"

* * *

Lynn comes out counting a small stack of bills.

"$5, $10, $15…"

"Lynn, someone is picking on Lincoln again!"

"Really?! I'll kill them for hurting you, Lincoln!"

"No one is picking on me! Besides, Lynn is a greater threat to me than Ronnie Anne ever was!"

"Lincoln?"

"See you later, Lis. Lynn, come on, there's a psychology test I have coming up and you're going to help me study for it."

Both of them leave.

"Lynn helping Lincoln with academia? Something is really wrong here…"

Lisa spies on their training.

"Ok, what Brodmann Areas are in the Superior Frontal Gyrus?"

"4, 6, and 8."

"Correct."

"What are the 3 regions of psychoanalysis?"

Hypoego, Ego and Hyperego."

"Incorrect."

Lynn punches Lincoln, while Lisa looks on with shock.

"It's id, ego and superego."

"Say, Lincoln, I really don't feel comfortable doing this anymore."

"Well, I'm paying you to help me ace my tests, so you don't have a choice."

"I can't do this anymore, I quit."

Lynn leaves.

* * *

Lisa enters Lincoln's room.

"So, you're paying Lynn to beat you up? Why would you do that?"

"2 words. "Operant conditioning.""

Lisa manages to put 2 and 2 together.

"Negative reinforcement? Why would you subject yourself to that?"

"My grades are tanking, that's why."

"Why didn't you just study?"

"I already did. It didn't make that much of a difference."

"What caused you to do this?"

"Because compared to you guys, I'm not smart. I just wanted to prove I'm on the same level as you guys."

"But you are."

Lincoln scoffs.

"No, I'm not, Lis. You're just saying that to make me feel better. We all know you think all your other siblings are ignoramuses."

"…"

"See?"

"But you don't have anything to prove to us, we like you just the way you are!"

"Stupid?"

"No, caring."

"…"

"Look, despite what I say, I really care about you."

"…"

"I know you don't believe me. But let me prove it to you."

"…"

"Remember when you stopped me from electrocuting Lily? I lost some important data, but because you did that, I don't experiment on our siblings anymore."

"You expect me to believe that?"

"No. I don't expect you to believe this either."

Lisa walks over to Lincoln, hugs him and says "I love you" to him.

"Platonically, of course."

Lisa did actually show genuine emotion to Lincoln. And Lincoln knows how hard it is for her to show genuine emotion…

"Alright, I'll stop."

"Thanks, Lincoln."

"No, thank you, Lis."


End file.
